Pitching Technology to Those Who Don't Use It

The publishing world is not exactly known for being early adopters of technology. Let’s face it: the last twenty years have been a technological transformation for all of us, but even more so in an industry that is fundamentally paper-based and hasn't changed much since Gutenberg invented the printing press. In 1440.

I’m fairly convinced some publishers are still plunking away at electric typewriters and inserting hand-written edits into inch-thick printed manuscripts. While the rest of the world operates in days, if not hours or minutes, publishing operates in weeks, if not months or years. I recently got a response to a contributed piece I sent to a major magazine. They rejected it, of course. It was nice of them to reply at all, but I’d nearly forgotten about it — I sent it on January 12. In Covid years, that’s like three millennia ago.

Given the late adoption curve, I realize there’s a certain challenge to pitching agents, editors and publishers about my book, which, although I like to think of it as a timeless American character novel, is inextricably set in Silicon Valley and about technology. Yet, even with self-publishing platforms increasingly cutting out these intermediaries, traditional publishing will always serve a critical function. In effect, telling us, This is good. That’s why I, like most aspiring authors, still want a traditional publishing deal from one of the five (five!) remaining publishers. Not just because it dramatically increases your sales but as validation that your work is good enough.

The process of finding an agent to represent your work involves sending dozens of “query letters” to agents. Unless you’re lucky enough to have connections to that world, which I don’t, these solicitations typically go in cold. As tedious as that process must be for agents, who, I hear, receive so many queries they couldn’t possibly read or respond to all of them, there is work to be done on the author’s side as well — filtering through hundreds of prospective agents to find the 1% who might conceivably consider representing you. So as a technique for this task, I’ve developed a little cheat sheet for determining if an agent is likely to represent an author writing about the epicenter of technology. For the few other authors who have endeavored to document life in Silicon Valley, I humbly share these tips here with you.

Top 10 signs an agent probably won’t represent a novel about Silicon Valley:

10. Agent’s website features clip art of books — or, really, any variant of clip art.

9. The agent is “accepting queries” as long as they are sent to their Earthlink.com email address.

8. Agent’s link on AgentQuery.com (the technological standard-bearer of the industry) no longer exists — 404 - Page not found.

7. Agent does not accept email queries. Period. Agent may also not be aware of email as a communication medium.

6. When visiting the agent’s site, a giant warning pops up that “Your connection is not private!” causing you to worry the rest of the day that you’ve contracted a virus — the computer kind, not the Covid kind.

5. Your prospective agent’s website conveniently notifies you that "This domain may be for sale.” Just in case you wanted joeschmoeagency.com.

4. The profile photos of your agent were taken on a Polaroid camera, when sideburns were still in fashion, then uploaded to the site via a 20 DPI scanner.

3. You are greeted with a notice that "Adobe Flash 6+ is required to view this site." Unfortunately, you are not warned that viewing any site built with Adobe Flash 6 may make your eyes bleed.

2. The entire agency website has been hacked and become a promotional hub for erectile dysfunction and Russian escorts.

1. Queries accepted only via SASE (Self-Addressed Stamped Envelope - yes, that's really still a thing.)