Trump Acts Decisively to Thwart Voter Fraud

Photo credit: New York Times

President Trump today enacted one of the most widespread and comprehensive measures to stem the systemic voter fraud he, and only he, expects to take place this November. Dubbed by the administration as "Operation Blue Purge," Trump instructed election officials nationwide to ignore the ballots cast by all registered Democrats in the upcoming election.

“It’s about time somebody did something about this fake election,” Trump said, as he signed the mandate in the Oval Office. “Some of these people, I mean, they voted for Crooked Hilary. Who are these people? Very, very sick, violent people. But I can tell you, we’re looking into it.”

When asked if the President of the United States has unilateral authority to disqualify the ballots of any member of the opposing party, Trump replied, “Of course I do! I’m president. I’m probably the best president ever. That’s what people are saying. I mean, I just beat COVID. The China virus. I’m not going to let Antifa take over the suburbs. Not on my watch. Our economy is stronger than ever. It’s unbelievable how strong it is.”

Attorney General Bill Barr defended Trump’s move as clearly in the national interest. “The Justice Department will not rest until this deep state conspiracy is exposed. James Comey was the enabler, allowing thousands of people to register as Democrats under his tenure. Peter Strzok and Lisa Page were still at the FBI at the time, so the only sensible conclusion is to purge every registered Democrat from the voter roles immediately. The American people deserve an honest and fair election."

"It’s a hoax and a sham,” Trump continued, in hour three of his call in to Hannity. “Everyone knows it. The Dems know it. These people, they’re all Never Trumpers. How can we allow these people to vote? They're obviously biased. It’s a joke. Everybody knows they can’t make rational decisions. They’re anti-American, really, is what they are. So we’re taking care of it. Bill Barr’s taking care of it.”

“I applaud President Trump for having the courage to take on this so-called Blue Block of voters who have been biasing our election results for decades,” said Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. “The Liberals have been stacking the vote with mail-in ballots. By purging registries of these fraudulent voters, and sending gun-toting militias to the polls as overseers, we will finally have a free and fair election.”

“Some of these people, I mean, they’re the worst people,” Trump said. “I’m told that many of them voted for Bernie Sanders and his radical left agenda in the primaries. We can’t have that. Most of them probably voted for AOC. She’s, like, the leader of Antifa. I don’t know if they have a leader, but if they had a leader it would be AOC and her $82-trillion dollar Green New Deal. So we’re not going to let that happen.”

When pressed again about his willingness to abide by the results of the election and a peaceful transition of power, Trump retorted, “That’s a stupid question. Who let you in here? That’s not going to happen. I’m going to win so there won’t be a transition of power. Why are you even asking me that? Who are you anyway? Are you with the fake news? Are you Antifa? Proud Boys, help!"